To Thrive

 

The definition of the word thrive is: To make steady progress; prosper. To grow vigorously; flourish. On Friday Jerad and I took Vaughn to see the Pediatrician and we discussed monthly weight checks for him as he is failing to thrive. He is failing to thrive because the throws up a lot. When I say a lot, I mean monthly. We thought this was just Vaughn, maybe due to his acid reflux or a mismanagement of food. And maybe it is one of those reasons; regardless it is time to find out why he is failing to thrive. It is hard to crawl, speak or process new information if your body is working overtime just to survive and that time is now for Vaughn to make steady progress; to prosper and to grow vigorously. We have an appointment next month with the Digestive Institute at Children’s to begin the investigation into what could possibly be  making it difficult for his body to digest his food. Is he beginning to show signs of a dairy allergy? I am keeping a food diary of what he is eating and it seems to be coincidence that it is associated, some of the time with dairy based products. The dietician that we spoke with on Friday advised us to take him off of whole milk and just offer formula until we can see the GI specialist. We are also working on re- scheduling an appointment with the Children’s Feeding Clinic to see if he might have some problems swallowing his food and we just aren’t noticing the signs.

 

Vaughn is one tough kid. After he throws up, he usually is smiling but my concern is he will begin to have an aversion to food and associate eating with throwing up and then we will have an even bigger problem in the future. I am sad that in our last month with bed time wearing only of his helmet he didn’t grow 1 once. We are out of time; there is no more foam in his helmet to shave out. His head looks really great and I am extremely thankful that we decided to put him (them) in the helmets but the roundness isn’t the “5” that I was hoping for. Now that the helmet is off, it is been very challenging keeping the glasses on. We are supposed to be patching his right eye for 2 hours a day and because we have been so focused on his diet, I have only done it one time and it didn’t go well.

 

I spoke recently to our genetics counselor and we have scheduled an MRI for Vaughn in October. We wanted to get this procedure scheduled but didn’t want to rush into putting him back under anesthesia either. We are only waiting on one more genetic test to come back but since everything else has come back negative, we have a feeling this last one will also (the last genetic test associated with the eye).

 

I am sitting here so frustrated. I feel that Jerad and I have walked this journey with grace and honestly I decided from the start not to ask God why as it didn’t matter. We didn’t ask why we had a high risk pregnancy or why the boys were born at 29 weeks. I didn’t ask God why Vaughn was born 1pound 4 ozs or Asher at 2 pounds 5ozs. This was the journey we were walking and by faith, I knew we would make progress. I have to admit though; I am starting to ask God why. WHY after all we have been through, can’t Vaughn at least prosper? He wants to crawl and he wants to talk, he just doesn’t have the energy to grow vigorously. I am mad. I am struggling with the journey of being a parent. Jerad and I choose from the moment we found out that we were pregnant that we would be in partnership with Him in this adventure and that decision remains the same but for this moment, I just have to express my reality.

 

With all that being said, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t end this blog with the truth. The truth is; Vaughn will flourish. We will find the answers we seek with the help of many medical professionals and Jesus. Vaughn will thrive because he was created in God’s image. He is the son of the one and only Heavenly Father and is loved beyond measure. We are taking a more aggressive approach to Vaughn’s health and I know that “failure to thrive” won’t be a diagnosis that labels who he is. This is just one more expression of our faith that gives us the opportunity to hand Vaughn back to Jesus and say “We trust You with his life”. We trust you Lord and Jerad and I will continue to bless him with more of YOU.

 

We thank you in advance for walking along side us, reading the blog and most importantly praying with us as we do our best to keep each of you updated. I wanted to be really honest about where we are at so you know how to best cover us in prayer. My desire for this post is that after reading this, you see that HOPE isn’t lost in our family, that we know that we know that God will be glorified in our story, this just happens to be a time of seeking and learning more about the characteristics of God and how we can continue to love Him in the midst of heart ache. As Jerad and I have been discipled in our faith, we have been taught to be good question asker’s of God and I believe it is time to ask some questions and not be afraid of the answers. Just asking “Why” isn’t enough, so as we search out His response, be encouraged that this chapter in our lives will end with joy and jubilee.